The Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy

Psychiatric Medical Care Communications Team

How Does Increasing Our Empathy Help Those At Risk for Suicide?

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, suicide rates have steadily increased in the United States from 2000 to 2016. With suicide rates rising, it is vital to look at behaviors that help reduce the risk of suicide attempts and death by suicide. 

Studies have shown that how we relate to people at risk of suicide is vital to suicide prevention planning. Mental health professionals stress the importance of an empathetic response when dealing with a person in crisis. However, many people are not certain what that means. Most people do not work in mental health and are simply trying to help a friend or loved one. 

When we talk about supporting a person during tough times, we sometimes use the words “sympathy” and “empathy” interchangeably. Therapists have determined that not only do these two words have vastly different meanings, but how we show “sympathy” or “empathy” are quite different. Let us explore the differences between empathy and sympathy and discuss what makes empathy a better behavior for relating with someone struggling. 

Sympathy Creates Separation 

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines sympathy as “the feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else’s trouble, grief, misfortune, etc.” There are many times when sympathy is an appropriate emotion for a difficult situation. However, sympathy separates you from the person struggling. 

Brene Brown describes sympathy as a way to stay out of touch with our own emotions and make our connections transactional. Sympathy puts the person struggling in a place of judgment more than understanding. A person seeks to make sense of a situation or look at it from their own perspective. 

When a person is sympathetic, they may give helpful advice or look upon someone with pity. They often feel relieved that they are not in the same struggle, and they ignore triggers or difficult feelings that arise from the situation. The person struggling may not feel listened to or “heard.”  

Sometimes sympathy is the appropriate response. When someone you do not know well experiences a loss, you might send a sympathy card. When two people are not remarkably close, sympathy shows caring but keeps an appropriate social distance. 

Whether it is a casual acquaintance or someone from work, gestures of sympathy are a social response to a personal crisis. It acknowledges another person’s hurt while maintaining the social norms necessary for the relationship to function. When a relationship is not intimate or close, sympathy is the appropriate response. However, with a close friend or family member, we should strive for empathy in our communication. 

Empathy Fosters Connection 

Empathy is defined as “the feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions” or “the ability to share someone else’s feelings.” It is looking at things from another person’s perspective and attempting to understand why they feel the way they do. 

Empathy is not easy. It requires a tremendous amount of vulnerability to listen without judgment and see yourself in another person’s struggle. Empathy can be uncomfortable especially when you are supporting someone in a dark time. 

Empathy is not about how to fix another person but about listening to another person’s pain and sharing their difficult thoughts and feelings. People at risk for suicide often express loneliness and pain through their words and actions. They feel as if no one can understand their struggle. When you express empathy to them, it lessens their feelings of being misunderstood and judged. 

Sometimes expressing empathy is looking into the mirror of your own emotions. It requires you to acknowledge that no one is immune from challenging times. As you dig deep, you find that we are not so different. This realization can be communicated to your loved ones to help them through their pain. 

By expressing empathy to your loved ones, you are inviting them into your inner world. When they see that you have struggles of your own, it makes them feel connected. This connection allows them to trust you and share what they are feeling. Empathy creates connection and understanding. Connection and understanding encourage those struggling with mental health to seek help and support from their trusted peers. 

The Differences Between Empathy and Sympathy 

Now that we understand the definition of empathy and sympathy. Let us discuss their differences so that we can display the appropriate emotion at the appropriate time. The difference between empathy and sympathy is found in how we relate to the other person. Empathy is shown in how much compassion and understanding we can give to another. Sympathy is more of a feeling of pity for another. Empathy is our ability to understand how someone feels while sympathy is our relief in not having the same problems. 

When we relate with empathy, we give the other person space to own their emotions and feelings. We reflect on what they are feeling and provide a safe space for all emotions, even negative ones. When we relate with sympathy, we move into problem-solving mode. We have ideas and judgments about how the person feels and what they should do. This not only minimizes the person’s problems, but it ignores their feelings. 

Sympathy comes from our ego. It is what we know we should do, and often, it is telling others what to do or feel as well. Empathy comes from the heart. It is feeling another’s pain and sharing a human experience. Everyone wants to be accepted and understood, and empathy fosters those feelings in the person sharing and the person listening. 

Another main difference between empathy and sympathy is that empathy is an appropriate emotion at any time. Showing empathy will bring you closer to others no matter what the circumstances. Where sympathy is only exhibited during tough times, being empathetic is an attitude we can adopt at any time. 

How Can We Exhibit More Empathy for Those Struggling? 

Empathy is more than a feeling; it is actionable steps that show you care. But how do we show empathy to others? How should we show up for our loved ones in times of grief or struggle? 

There is no set way to show empathy just like there is no set way to have a relationship. However, they are simple behaviors that create an empathetic space for others in all circumstances. 

Here are some tips for showing empathy from Mental Health First Aid. All of them involve how we listen to the other person. 

1. Listen Without Judgement- Empathy involves listening-active listening to understand what the other person is trying to say. A person who needs help is at their most vulnerable when they ask for it. Connecting with them by showing how they are feeling, and thinking is a vital empathetic skill. 
2. Listen With Intention-Active listening means that your full undivided attention is on the other person. You are facing them, hands still, and looking them in the eyes. You do not allow yourself to be distracted by your phone, the television, or other people. 
3. Listen Without Advice-Do not take away the person’s sharing power by telling them what to do or how to do it. Let them talk and come to their own conclusions. If they ask for advice, ask them what they think they should do first. Doing this reminds the person that they are not hopeless and can find their own solutions. 
4. Listen With Understanding- Affirm what the other person is feeling even if you do not agree or understand it. Foster trust by accepting the person’s feelings and accepting them. Let them work their feelings in their own way which if you are following the previous suggestions should be easy. 
5. Listen With Vulnerability-If you have a similar experience to the person sharing, consider sharing your experience with them. Share your feelings about your experience and how it made you feel so that the person does not feel so alone in their feelings. 

By self-checking our own empathy for others' pain, we can slowly start to rebuild the connections that we have lost with others and make current connections even stronger. Being supportive, understanding, and compassionate are the building blocks of preventative care for all individuals, both young and old. 

Talk of suicide should never be dismissed. If you, or someone you know, is thinking of suicide call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text 988.