Older Adult Suicide: A Personal Experience

When a Family Member Dies by Suicide

PMC Communications Team

Psychiatric Medical Care (PMC) wants to remind you that suicide affects millions of people yearly. It is a topic close to home for many of us at PMC, and for one of our team members, it is part of her reason for working in the mental health field. Today, we share her experience with you.

Sydney Freeman was 25 and expecting her first child. Her large, close loving family only amplified her excitement about becoming a mother. She felt particularly grateful that her grandparents were still alive to meet their great-grandchild. She never expected that one phone call would flip her world upside down.

“I had just spoken to him a week earlier. He told me that he would see me soon,” Sydney recalls. Sydney blinks back tears despite it being a decade since it happened. “No one tells you how much it hurts and continues to hurt. Something was stolen from me the day my grandpa died by suicide.”

Sadly, Sydney is not alone in losing an older family member to suicide. The National Council on Aging (NCOA) reports that while older adults comprise 12% of the population, they make up approximately 18% of suicides. Additionally, men 65 and above face the highest rate of suicide.

But knowledge of statistics is a cold comfort to grieving families who want another day with their loved ones and to understand how this could happen.

Suicide and Older Adults — Risk Factors

Unfortunately, older adults face unique risk factors when it comes to the risk of death by suicide. Some of these factors are the fault of our societal structure, and some are just the byproduct of aging.

Below are some of the reasons that older adults may struggle with depression or thoughts of suicide (NCOA, 2021):

Death of family and friends: Losing a partner or a close friend could trigger feelings of depression and grief. It may make a person wonder when their time will come. Losing long-term relationships can leave a vacancy in the person’s social circle and further isolate them from others.
Facing an illness: As we age, we develop certain conditions that can cause pain and discomfort. We may be diagnosed with a disease that affects our quality of life. These ailments can cause significant distress.
Financial insecurity: Older adults often rely on a fixed income for their daily needs. As prices continue to rise, they may find themselves with less money to support themselves. If they are without family support, they may feel despondent from the financial strain and consider suicide a way out.
Loss of mobility: Some older people discover they can no longer get around like they used to. They may be forced to use a wheelchair, walker, or cane. Going upstairs or attending events outside of the home might prove impractical. Being homebound may cause them to feel isolated and lonely.

How Suicide Impacts the Family Survivors

“There are so many emotions that come with losing a loved one to suicide. Even though you know it is not your fault, you carry the pain that there was something you could have done to stop it,” Sydney remembers.

Suicide is a family epidemic. It hurts those left behind and leaves them full of unanswered questions. Harvard Medical School has highlighted several of the impacts felt by survivors when a family member dies from suicide.

Below is a list of these impacts and how they affect family survivors.

A traumatic aftermath: Survivors are often asked to identify their loved ones or answer questions about the scene. Sometimes the scene may be violent or traumatic for the loved one to witness. Loved ones are reeling from a shocking situation only to be met with questions from police and medical personnel.

Stigma and isolation: Suicide can isolate survivors from their community and even from other family members. “I remember feeling a need to protect my grandpa from the judgment of others. I didn’t want him to be defined by how he died.” Additionally, if there was a history of mental illness, survivors may struggle with the ongoing stigma surrounding mental illness. Different family members will have different responses and conflict may arise about what and how much to tell others. Family members might find themselves at odds instead of giving each other support.

Mixed emotions: The loss of a loved one to suicide can bring forth a range of emotions that can be difficult to navigate. While suicide is the result of a mental illness, the act can often leave those left behind feeling abandoned and rejected by their loved one that has passed.

Need for reason: "Suicide can shatter the things you take for granted about yourself, your relationships, and your world," says Jack Jordan, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, and co-author of After Suicide Loss: Coping with Your Grief. Survivors of suicide loss often play the “What if” game wondering if there was something they could have done and often overestimating the role they could have played. They often want to know everything they can about the circumstances in hopes of making sense of their feelings and grief.

A risk for survivors: As with any loss, losing a loved one to suicide can bring questions to those left behind. They may wonder if life is worth living. For those who have lost a loved one to suicide the risk is heightened. It is important that professional help is sought if these feelings persist or become intense.

Warning Signs that a Loved One May Be At-Risk for Suicide

While Sydney still grieves the loss of her grandfather, she feels certain that sharing her story is an important part of her healing. “I want other people to know that it can happen to anyone. I want them to be aware of the fragility of our older population and the warning signs that I wish we had seen.

Here is a list of warning signs provided by the American Psychological Association.

Be on Alert if someone you know:

Exhibits drastic changes in behavior
Gives away prized possessions
Has attempted suicide before
Has recently experienced serious losses
Has trouble eating or sleeping
Increases alcohol or drug use.
Loses interest in his or her personal appearance
Loses interest in school, work, or hobbies
Prepares for death by writing a will and making final arrangements
Seems preoccupied with death and dying
Takes unnecessary risks
Talks about committing suicide
Withdraws from friends or social activities

The Healing Journey

Sydney knows that the loss of her grandfather is something that changed her and is something she carries with her daily. As she continues to heal, part of that healing comes from her chosen career as a marketing professional at PMC. “Working at PMC fills my cup in a way that I never expected,” Sydney says. “I see myself continuing the legacy of my loved ones in my daily work.” Through the pain of becoming a survivor of suicide loss, Sydney is hopeful that sharing her story will encourage others who may be struggling to realize they are not alone and that there is hope.

If you are in emotional distress, here are some resources for immediate help:

Call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Or use the Lifeline Chat. Services are free and confidential.
The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the U.S. has a Spanish language phone line at 1-888-628-9454 (toll-free).

About PMC

Psychiatric Medical Care (PMC) works to improve access to behavioral healthcare in communities like yours. Our founder and Chief Medical Officer, James A. Greene, M.D., developed PMC with the sole mission of improving the function and quality of life for patients living in underserved communities. If you would like to learn more about Psychiatric Medical Care, or if you are interested in joining our team, please email us at careers@psychmc.com, call or explore our numerous opportunities online.